lost & delirious

Tuesday, April 27, 2004

to hell and back

at around 9 o'clock last night, i was quietly reading in my room when i was startled by the shouts of my older brother in a panic. i quickly put down my book and went out to see what was happening. what greeted me was the sight of my younger sister, frantically running across the living room. when she saw me, she cried, "Ate! May sunog! May sunog!"

i ran outside and saw a blaze roar from the back lot, a stone's throw away from where i was. the only thing keeping our apartment from being swallowed by the flames was a precarious brick wall, and the whole neighborhood - man, woman and child - was already rushing their belongings to the side streets. i went back to the house and tried to save whatever i could.

on impulse, i took one blanket and spread it on the floor. i opened my drawer and dumped all my clothes in it. i put what little cash i have in my pocket and grabbed my school back pack, careful to save everything related to my thesis. then, by chance i saw a wooden box at the foot of my bed - it was where i kept all the letters and other precious items ever given to me by my friends - and without thinking twice, i took the extra load. i carried all these with my bare hands and marched outside with the maddening crowd.

just then, my mom and dad came home in time to witness the insanity. mom stayed outside to watch over our things while dad helped in bringing out the heavier objects. i myself went a few more times back to the house to cart as much as my little arms could take. each time i went back, i saw the fire burning much brighter than the last. at one point, i found myself standing in the middle of the chaos, just staring blankly at the raging flames. at that moment, a single thought entered my mind... and i think i began to understand why people are so afraid of Hell.

firetrucks began to pour in from all corners. i must have counted 15 or so on our side and i heard there were a lot more on the other side of the street where the fire originally began. we couldn't save everything we have. it was sheer impossibility. most of the bulky stuff like furniture and such were left inside. i did get to rescue my brother's new puppy and my dog "Lilith", but i couldn't find the old cat. i was worried because she had just given birth and i knew she didn't want to leave her kittens. Lilith was shaking terribly in my arms while we were outside. we all sat there, knowing there was nothing more we could do but hope the fire can be quickly contained before it did more harm.

the firefighters were relentless. the overwhelming response of different fire stations was both surprising and remarkable. we live in quezon city but i saw some trucks that came from as far as pasig, pasay, binondo, makati and san juan. after battling it out for more than an hour, the flames started to give in as the rich dark smoke began to turn white. we could breathe a little easier. at approximately 11pm, the fire that threatened to destroy the homes of dozens of families was finally declared "Under Control".

slowly, and understandably with some hesitation, people started going back to their homes and putting their possesions in order. when i came back to our own house, i could only shake my head. it looked pretty much like a warzone. the floor was wet and muddy, the sofas were strewn reckless on top of each other, and kitchen was even worse. much worse. then came reality check, and we began to wonder how we would be able to sleep in this mess. so we began the tedious process of starting from scratch, putting things back to the way they were as if we were moving in for the first time. by 1am, we satisfied ourselves with a makeshift bed on the livingroom for the meantime to rest our very tired bodies.

but barely a few minutes after we went to bed, we heard noises coming from outside. the neighbors were up watching the smoke becoming thicker and a few sparks flickering from the supposedly controlled fire. and once again, everyone went into panic. i told my brother to call 117 and report an emergency. i also asked the neighbors to do the same so they wouldn't think it was a hoax.

my little sister and i looked at each other with the same weary face. and to think we haven't even eaten dinner yet. i was starving.

"ready for Round 2?"

"no, not again!"

Posted at 10:34:32 pm by a bruised soul named "scoutfinch"
Hear the people sing! (10)

Wednesday, April 21, 2004

on honesty and other musings

i wish i could meet someone who knows how to value brutal honesty.

someone i can talk to about anything and everything on my mind, without having to fear about being judged, because she is aware that it doesn't even matter whether we agree or not, what's important is that we can learn, just from hearing out each other's thoughts.

someone who appreciates being told the truth, no matter how trivial, so we could always take comfort in knowing exactly where we stand, and not have to go on false assumptions, lost in the agony of darkness.

someone i can give my trust to and rest easy with, because there would be no room for insecurities and tiresome bouts of paranoia on both camps.

and lastly, someone who doesn't waste her time playing silly stupid mind games and lies, because she understands that even the wisest and strongest of people can have the most fragile of hearts.

***

no guys, no girls, or anything in between.

***

ang dating daan. i always catch my family watching this. no, they're not members of that group (thank god). not yet anyway. but i see them almost every night, my dad and my older brother especially, glued to the tube and sucking every word that comes out of Bro. Eli Soriano's mouth. grrr... argh...

sitting quietly in my room, i can't help but hear all the preaching coming out of that box. sometimes i have to grit my teeth and bite my tongue just to keep myself from lashing out at the absurdity they dare to advertise as logic. it saddens me that so many people actually believe in these kinds of things.

tired of thinking? don't worry! for anything and everything, the answer is in the Bible! why do you have to use your own mind and have to think for yourself? but that's too hard! we're only human after all. there's an easier way, man. we have the Bible! so shut off your brain and come join us! we have the Bible!

***

no guys, no girls, or anything in between.

***

has anyone seen that new jinggoy commercial? yes, jinggoy estrada, son of the former president, who is now apparently running for a seat in the senate. after watching it for the first time last night, i honestly don't know what to feel. on the one hand, it was utterly revolting. here they go again with the "maka-masa" bandwagon. oh please, that's sooo clichщ. sheesh. they should know, they made it clichщ.

on the other hand, i wanted to laugh my guts out. i mean, didn't they both start out as actors? then why did the acting in that advertisement plain SUCK? jinggoy hugging erap just felt so... uh... fake. and to think they didn't even have to act! after all, they really ARE father and son, aren't they? i wonder if he'll eventually become a senator. with the way filipinos vote? i wouldn't be surprised. don't forget, even Loi made it last time around. but dammit, what a waste those votes would be. *sigh*

if not for him bringing the World Grand Prix to Manila back in '99 and 2000, i really wouldn't know how to justify jinggoy's existence in this universe.

***

no guys, no girls, or anything in between.

***

i have learned... that whenever a friend ignores me, i should not immediately go into panic mode. as much as possible, try to maintain rationality. 'coz if i don't, tables will turn and then she'll get mad at me, which was... weird. well, not everyone knows all the things i went through before. i suppose i can't blame them.

i have learned... that i should never go to the sunken garden alone, especially at night, and most definitely NOT when i'm depressed. the mood of the place just contributes to the problem, thereby inducing tears to fall without restraint. i think it's the grass. er... tends to make one "high", lol.

i have learned... that even if i'm all stressed out, i should not forget that i am still a human being and therefore i actually have to EAT. also, i should keep in mind that i have gastric ulcer, and if i'm not careful, someday that bottle of Maalox might not do the trick anymore.

i have learned... that not everyone can be trusted. my naive perception of people as innately well-meaning has gone down the drain. sometimes, you think you know a person... you've given them your complete trust and more, then thru your own means, you discover half of the things they told you were lies. perhaps it was just a difference in values. maybe lying is really no big deal for some people, but it is to me. so maybe that's it, huh? so much for the friendship. thanks for everything. i learned a lot.

***

no guys, no girls, or anything in between.

NADA.

Posted at 6:04:07 pm by a bruised soul named "scoutfinch"
Hear the people sing! (7)

Monday, April 12, 2004

blood rush

*an old poem, written for the girl who once had the power to drive me insane with her mere presence. don't bother analyzing it. whatever you think this poem is about, no, you're wrong. dead wrong.

i am posting this in honor of that fateful day, when you wore a sky blue shirt and a blank face - all it took was one look, and i was smitten. four long years of pining from periphery... and now i'm free of you, at last.

maybe someday i'll have the guts to tell you the whole story, and then we'll share a good laugh or two. hey, don't blame it on me. blame it on chaos theory.

i do not understand this frenzy
that seizes me when you approach
as if my blood was the river tides
and you, the fullest evening moon

i feel it inside, rushing all too quickly
being drawn by your presence -
tossing, turning, curling, boiling,
raging to be one with the cause!

what more is there to do but give in?
passion is a thirst best quenched,
and the tides rise all the more
as i move closer, inch by painful inch

time decides to grind ever so slowly
teasing me with every careful step
suddenly the world seems so empty,
so quiet... and your figure, so alone

i could touch you now, but i dare not
our temples never closer as this
i want to kneel and worship you,
to say my wish as a humble prayer

then you turn, and look me in the eye,
your gaze lingering more than i can take
and i, of course, have to look away
a helpless mortal under your spell

against my own will, my walls start to break
crumbling under your stare, as i wonder:
can you see to the depths of my core?
do you know of my aching confusion?

watch my eyes say the things i cannot utter,
watch my lips quiver in feverish anticipation,
watch my body tremble beneath your gaze,
for with your mere touch, i feel my soul depart...

Posted at 8:55:49 am by a bruised soul named "scoutfinch"
Hear the people sing! (3)

Wednesday, April 07, 2004

i wonder...

summer had just begun, and yet it rained yesterday. hmmm... i must be getting lucky.

i love the rain. it makes me feel young and giddy and mellow at the same time. it's like the world is being transformed to the way it was when i was a kid, when me and my playmates from the neighborhood would bathe in the rain with reckless abandon. we would play tag or hide-and-seek dripping wet, and when our legs have tired we'd make little paper boats and let the water currents take them on a race through the puddles on the ground, while we jump and cheer wildly at the sidelines.

people tend to associate rain with sorrow, but to me rain is comfort, safety... and a vague feeling of familiarity. like an old friend returning from a long journey, to be welcomed with open arms. i look out the window and there she is, with seemingly incessant downpour and her howling wind caressing my face, reminding me of days gone by. and at night, her rhythmic pitter-patter on the roof sounds not like a grumble, but a soothing lullaby that gently takes me to sleep.

i wonder if i can love people the same way i love rain: to be in love with someone madly yet selflessly. to let the other person be mad, crazy, beautiful, unpredictable and soothing without having to pin them down and make them have to stay. to just be happy each time he or she is there and to be happier still when they stay the week, and to not be sad when they go away, because you know they're coming back. to love the person and expect nothing in return except to know the person is being himself or herself. and finally to know that there are also people whom that person touches in his or her own way, making others fall in love with them too. so you have to share freely and happily, at the same time knowing you are special and that no two people can love a person quite the same way.

Posted at 9:56:05 am by a bruised soul named "scoutfinch"
Hear the people sing! (2)

Sunday, April 04, 2004

so close!

The grrrls of So Close: Zhao Wei, Karen Mok & Shu Qi

Shu Qi enters the building dressed in immaculate white, looking oh-so-heavenly. And rightfully so, as she introduces herself as "Computer Angel", with an appointment to no less than the chairman himself. Halted by bodyguards for inspection, a camera zooms in on her and does a fancy thermal scan. Finding nothing, the inspector playfully declares, "A bombshell, sir, but no bomb."

Amen to that. A bombshell, indeed.

I mean, look at them. Are they hot or are they HOT?!?! Tough chicks that kick ass and look good while doing it - what more can you ask for? And to think I loved Charlie's Angels when I first saw it the theater. I am deeply shamed. Screw the angels, man. So Close is the REAL thing. Armed with perfect hair, perfect clothes, perfect roundhouse kicks, and a great deal of heart, these three ladies make the movie shine with surprising brilliance.

Shu Qi is sensitive and level-headed Ai Lin, frontman of the duo hit squad and ever protective of her impulsive little sister Ai Quen, played by Zhao Wei. Enter the quirky Kong Yat Hung (Karen Mok), a rookie cop who uses her sharp wit to solve the murder of a business tycoon that inevitably leads her to the sisters, in whom she finds two unlikely allies.

One very striking thing about the movie is how fluid the visuals are. The cinematography and direction, especially in the fight scenes, are delightful to the eye. Imagine Shu Qi, in slow motion, surrounded by floating shards of glass while leaping through the air to catch two guns, flipping to implant her high-healed boot to the ceiling(!), and once suspended upside-down in mid-air, shoots the CEO's two body guards simultaneously on both sides of the room. What a sight!

Then there's the scene at the record store, where playful Zhao Wei spots Karen Mok, who's looking for the song used to jam communications during Shu Qi's assault. The scene was shot entirely without dialogue, but my goodness, the vibe! Check out Zhao checking out Karen. Things that make you go, "Hmmm..."

Zhao Wei sporting a very naughty smirk

So Close manages to pull off a delicate balancing act with flying colors, resulting in a highly entertaining film. It has superb action sequences without being over-the-top brutal like Kill Bill, or being too reliant on what are obviously CGI effects like The Matrix. It has light moments that are fun without being silly, and serious moments that are effective without the melodrama. You actually feel for these characters, and some parts nearly brought me to tears. And hey, a superb FIGHT SCENE with a haunting cover of "Close to You" by the Carpenters serving as background? Mmmm, the irony tingles my spine.

And it ends with Zhao Wei kissing Karen Mok. Ay caramba!

Anyone up for a sequel? :P

***

speaking of charlie's angels, here's a fun fact. after watching jet li's "hero", i was so darn affected by the ending, because it was philosophically VERY HARD for me to digest. i immediately looked for my charlie's angels cd 'coz... well, i wanted to give myself a break from all that excessive thinking. i wanted to watch something that i can enjoy without requiring me to use my brain, haha. i am famous for thinking too much and over-analyzing things, you see.

as i said, years ago i liked it the first few times. in fact, i saw it thrice in the cinema and even bought the soundtrack ("ooooh, barracuda!"). besides, i'm fond of drew barrymore and her "riding in cars with boys", that was touching. *sniff-sniff* but since then i've already taken up all my majors on communications engineering, and therefore knew better, that i now suddenly find the plotline about cellphones and satellites coming across as utterly silly and contrived. i mean, really, where the hell did they get that? instead of having a blast, i was frustrated the whole time. this is what happens when you know too much.

oh well, so much for mindless fun. flush!

***

scout_finch is in-crush! (^_^)

Posted at 9:06:03 am by a bruised soul named "scoutfinch"
Hear the people sing! (8)

Monday, March 29, 2004

my crazy girl

once upon a time, there was a very naughty little girl named jynx.

when she was 5 years old, her mom sent her to a proper catholic school, where her teachers were mostly nuns. one day, her religion teacher was telling them about "the miracles of the blessed virgin mary". this caught the interest of our little jynx, so she made a plan. she hid in their room until she was sure everybody else had gone out. then, she went to the table in front, where a statue of the virgin mary stood proud. in one swift motion, she pushed the statue over the edge of the table, sending it crashing to the floor, breaking it into several pieces.

little jynx was very pleased. now was the moment of truth.

she stayed in the room for hours and hours, waiting for the "miracle" their nun teacher was talking about, expecting the broken pieces to put itself back into the unblemished figure of the virgin mary. so she waited. and waited. and waited. until finally she fell asleep.

later that day, the school guard found her crouched in a chair. he called up jynx's grandparents, who had been frantically looking for her all day. when she came back to school the next day, their nun teacher found out what she did to the statue and gave her a punishment. this made little jynx really, really mad. she called her teacher "LIAR!" to her face.

there was no miracle. only a grown-up making up a story. from then on, she never believed in miracles, or holy statues, or the virgin mary, or even religion for that matter. this kid had the balls to think for herself. at 5 years old. wow.

***

a few years later, she was still studying at the catholic school, finishing 6th grade. their english teacher asked them to write a paper on any topic they wished. jynx wrote a paper on "Why divorce should be legalized in the Philippines", with in-depth insights on the complexities of marriage. she didn't believe that two people should be forced to live with each other if circumstances merit their separation. the nuns were scandalized. they nearly fainted when they read her paper, and they even talked to her mom about the matter. jynx was almost expelled from school. i asked her mom what she thought of the paper when she read it. she said it was extremely intelligent. she was proud.

***

interestingly, jynx was also a child actress of sorts in her younger days. she did some cebuano movies, but they only show them in the visayas region (her family was based in dumaguete then). but one director saw her in a movie and offered her a spot in a commercial to be shot in manila. now little jynx didn't know how to speak tagalog then, only english and cebuano. so when she came to manila, people in the set were teasing her about her visayan accent. this irritated jynx a lot. as a consequence, she hated the manileёos and their tagalog, and she swore never to speak their language.

when jynx was older, her mom asked her to learn to speak tagalog. jynx said no, she didn't want to. she was still pissed with the way manileёos made fun of her accent before. her mom teased her that she just couldn't do it, and that's why she didn't even want to try. jynx was severely annoyed by this remark, and so took it as a challenge. before her mom knew it, jynx was learning to speak in spanish, french, italian, russian, and a host of others - all by herself. at 16, jynx could speak fluently in at least 7 languages.

i guess she showed her mom a thing or two.

***

once, in a moment of overwhelming adoration, i called her my angel sent from heaven. she snapped back at me and got upset. i asked her why. she said she didn't like angels. she found them boring, because all they do is pray. she'd much rather be an alien, sent from outer space - all green with insect-like antennas coming out of her forehead.

sometimes i think of how we became close, and i can't help but smile. we had an argument regarding... uh, well... plato. yes, the philosopher. she hates him with the fury of a thousand suns. it rather amused me. but man, the girl makes my jaw drop to the floor when she talks.

i told her, "are you sure you're just 17? you sound like you could already write a social and political treatise of your own! youТre sharp, kid. you know, if I ever have a daughter someday, I wish sheТll grow up to be someone like you. but I wonТt force her, thoughЕ"

her reply made me blush crimson. "well, you'll get your wish so easy if you'll marry me... i know you're smart and i am sharp so our daughter will have our genes!!!"

***

yup, that's my girl. crazy, stubborn, and delightfully unique. of all the things i've done wrong, i must have done something right to deserve your love. how i wish i could have grown old with you...

JULIANA XYNIA DURANO JIMENEZ, 1985-2002
my jynx, my soulmate, my best friend.
happy birthday, messy palangga. i love you as big as the sky.

Posted at 9:46:26 pm by a bruised soul named "scoutfinch"
Sing me your song!

Sunday, March 21, 2004

random thoughts

when the world gets you down, it's up to you to cheer yourself up. don't expect anyone else to do it for you. grab some donuts, buy some ice cream, cook your favorite meal. go watch a movie, phone your friends, have an ice cold beer. do anything, just DON'T wallow in your misery.

***

i was at the Film Center to support Celine's entry to a film festival. when i got there, she introduced me to her friend.

"Jason, this is my friend, Scout." as per tradition, waving ensues. "oh, by the way, she's GAY. don't try."

nice touch. thanks, Celine. best intro ever.

***

people overly romanticize love and say it's destiny. i think that's just a convenient excuse whenever you don't end up with the person you love - "it wasn't meant to be" and all that clichщ. i tend to believe love is sheer hard work. it's a more empowering mindset. you have control over your life, and all things are possible. although sometimes, it can be cruel when life doesn't turn out according to plan... because you know, somehow, somewhere, you could have done something to change it.

***

last friday, my friend was teasing me about my outfit. i was wearing my favorite UP shirt - a baby tee with glowing orange sleeves. with my bright orange backpack, i could have passed for one of those "glow in the dark" thingies.

the irony is, i hate orange. in fact, the old Stabilo highlighter i used to review my notes was orange, because i know whenever i see a word in that color, my eyes would get severely irritated and flare up. word is memorized, exams are passed. catch my drift?

***

i think i'll name my robot "Kennedy". if you're not a buffy-crazed fan, give up. you will not get this. but those who do will think i'm creepy. how very Warren-esque. what? anything to make this thesis more motivating. just hope i don't get skinned alive when it's time for my defense.

***

a FORMER crush of mine asked me recently:

"I guess the real question is, why do you prefer women? I mean, men can also use their tongue and fingers. Why suddenly turn your backs on millions of years of evolution and start making love to women? (Ok, some species have exhibited instances of homosexuality, but such cases are rare. heehee.) What do you find irresistable in women that men do not possess? What were you thinking at the moment you decided to be a lesbian?"

first of all, you don't "decide" to be a lesbian. it's NOT a choice. you don't get to pick who you become attracted to, it just happens. what you do get to decide upon is whether to let being one come into reality - to let it manifest itself or to repress it.

why in the world do you have to immediately associate everything with sex? i'd like to think that loving women is not that shallow as you paint it. and what the hell do i care about millions or even gazillions of years of evolution? that was them, this is me. my life will NOT be ruled by convention or evolution. of all people, i thought you knew better than to ask that.

for years, i did try to repress it. that's what you do when you're in an environment hostile to your kind. but now i just chose to finally be true to myself. why? because one day, the risk it took to remain closed in a bud became more painful than the risk it took to blossom.

i guess you could say... i got tired of all the what-ifs and what-could-have-beens. believe me, it sucks.

***

on my way home after watching the cool "Vagina Monologues", the weirdest thing happened. a butch lesbian changed seats in the jeepney so that she would be in front of me. then, she looked at me and RAPPED her heart out with a sort of harana (a love song), the hip-hop version. thinking back, it was kinda sweet, but it was almost 1am then and i was just too tired and incoherent. she may have thought i ignored her.

to the rapper girl: if it's any consolation, i still remember it, and whoever you are, you earned a space in my blog. amazing gaydar (er... lesbi-dar?) you got there to spot me like that. some people are so darn clueless.

Posted at 4:28:17 pm by a bruised soul named "scoutfinch"
Hear the people sing! (5)

Sunday, March 14, 2004

reminiscence

the sunrise as seen from the EEE building

i spent the past two nights at the mobot lab in school, helping out to rush this thingie for an inter-collegiate contest. a line-following mobile robot race of sorts. after endless hours of working overtime, could you imagine how spaced out people were by saturday noon? they looked more like zombies than anything else, staring blankly at the computer screen with barely functioning brains. it was uh, reeeally, reeeally bad.

ah, cramming... sleepless nights... welcome back to EEE life.

the only good thing about these project overnight marathons is that every morning, you get to go up the roofdeck at the 5th floor and soak up the view of the beautiful sunrise. the picture is a snapshot of the first time i ever saw it from there, almost 3 years ago. my friend leo and i spent all night talking at the roofdeck, waiting patiently for the sun to appear, camera in hand. we were awe-struck, i tell you. the scene that gently unfolded before our very eyes was incredibly breathtaking.

seeing it again the past few days brought back a lot of memories. i used to almost live in the department because of my academic workload. it became a morning habit to wake up at 5:30am so i could go up and catch the sunrise, along with the cool morning breeze, the chirping of the birds, the swaying of the trees to the wind, and sometimes when i'm lucky, the light rain to awaken my senses. then at 6am, i would go down to catch an "Ikot" ride to the co-op canteen. there i would take my ritual 15-peso breakfast, consisting of fried rice and 2 slices of luncheon meat. what's that you say? no, no, no. i'm not thin. i'm slim. =P

you know, when my best friend Jynx was still here, i used to have this smug grin painted all over my face. every morning when i come back to the department, i would think to myself, my god, the world is such a beautiful place... i'm so damn lucky to be alive. when she suddenly disappeared, i was frightened that the worst had come to pass (would it be a crime to be paranoid if your best friend has a terminal illness?). i went to the roofdeck to catch the sunrise, desperate to cheer myself up. it wasn't the same. the once wonderful view became dull in my eyes. i guess that's what they mean by "relativity".

a lot of things has happened since then. Jynx passed away and my life had become one intense rollercoaster ride. two years... the world has changed so much, and i, along with it. so now you ask, how did i feel when i saw the sunrise again after so long?

hopeful. simply hopeful.

Posted at 11:23:51 am by a bruised soul named "scoutfinch"
Sing me your song!

Wednesday, March 10, 2004

the BIG day

dahil ako ay dakilang nocturnal person, usually pasikat na ang araw, patulog pa lang ako. pero kagabi, nagpakabait ako't natulog ng 8pm (himala! himala!). at hindi lang yon, naka-set ang alarm ko para gumising kaninang umaga ng alas-kuwatro! aba, aba, aba!

yup, BIG DAY today. Thesis Proposal Presentation sa harap ng faculty panel - dito nakasalalay ang magiging takbo ng buhay ko - kung makaka-graduate na nga ba next sem o sorry na lang dear. it was *that* friggin' important. to add to the pressure, public engagement sya - come one, come all! wheee! and luck of all lucks, i was slated to be the first one offered for grilling. 9am ako dapat naka-sked kaso siguro bangag-bangag pa yung mga teacher kasi nga ang aga, medyo late na dumating yung panel. pati adviser ko muntik na ma-late. buzzer beater si sir! sus mio, kinabahan ako dun ha! pano na lang kung wala sya tapos inokray-okray ako ng panel? whaaa!

sa kabutihang-palad, wala namang malupit na panggigisang naganap. maraming tanong at clarifications si ma'am gay (no kidding, that's her nick, hehe) but nothing major i couldn't answer. nga pala, my thesis is entitled "Mobile Robot Mapping and Navigation Using the Topological Approach". opo, gagawa po ako ng robot na kayang mag-mapa ng environment nya. para halimbawa, inutusan ko sya ng, "uy, punta ka naman sa room ng crush ko tapos bigyan mo sya ng 3 white roses... please?" well, dapat marunong syang pumunta sa room ng crush ko by itself ng hindi naliligaw (navigation) o nabubunggo kung saan (obstacle avoidance) kasi "intelligent" sya. hehehe. ayos ba? wish ko lang eh sana hindi magmana yung robot sa katorpehan ko. ahahaha.

around lunch time, bumalik sa lab yung adviser ko galing sa panel deliberations. approved na raw proposal ko! yipeeeee!!! maraming-maraming salamat po sa mga nag-goodluck. epektib siguro kasi feeling ko ang lakas ng loob ko kanina. ewan ko ba, basta umaga pa lang ang saya-saya ko na. and most specially to YOU... thank you for starting my day right. i appreciate the prayer, the text, and listening to me patiently while i was blabbering nonstop. i don't recall being this happy in a looong while. so close to a perfect day... (^_^)

hyper ako ngayon! well, gutom for some unknown reason (kumain ako, pramis) pero hyper pa rin. mamaya balik ulit ako ng lab para mag-overnight sa school. MDC (microcontroller design contest) na kasi sa sabado. sasali ang lab namin sa mobile robot race eh tatlo yung gustong entry ni sir (para raw ma-sweep yung top 3 spots, wahaha). rush na ito! actually wala naman 'tong grade at pwede na kong magpahinga, pero... masaya eh! makita mo lang na gumagana na yung robot happiness na, cool pa lalo pag nanalo! at sa summer naman, i'm looking forward sa graphic novel ni celine, na *cough-cough* isa ako sa magiging "graphic artist" (desperado na kasi sya, lol). excited na ko!

hay, sarap ng feeling. my life is getting back on track. halos dalawang taon din syang nahinto at muntikan nang gumuho. ngayon unti-unti ko na syang naaayos. (^_^) hehehe, nasesenti na naman ako. nope, can't afford to slip into daydreaming again. ang pagtanggap sa proposal ay hindi katapusan, bagkos ay umpisa pa lamang ng mahaba-haba at madugong paglalakbay.

and dammit, i can't wait to start!

Posted at 8:58:56 pm by a bruised soul named "scoutfinch"
Hear the people sing! (3)

Saturday, March 06, 2004

catch me?

i think
i am

f
a
l
l
i
n
g

for you...

and it
(suddenly)
frightens me
to be this

- vulnerable -

when you
are there
to catch
the fall...

of someone else.

Posted at 1:44:20 am by a bruised soul named "scoutfinch"
Hear the people sing! (4)