it was the summer of my freshman year. classes were about to begin, and naturally my ears were filled with incessant chatter as fellow students mingled in the lobby. i just sat there, quietly, and tried to look around for a familiar face. of all the people walking about, this certain girl caught my eye. there was something baffling about her smile. one look at her and she makes you feel... happy. her smile was wonderfully contagious. those few precious seconds was all it took, and her face was etched forever in my mind.
as months passed by, it became apparent that we had a good number of friends in common. oftentimes i'd find myself in a conversation, and then she'd come by and say "hi" to whoever i was talking to. unfortunately, none of them ever bothered to introduce me to her. it makes me want to hit my friends over the head with a trout, i swear! but as i was too painfully shy to approach her, i could only content myself with a sigh each time she leaves. yet another sordid case of deja vu. it almost seemed as if the universe was conspiring against me - sophomore year was almost over and i still didn't know who she was!
it's a good thing everyone has a limit. and one day, i just couldn't stand it. she was walking away after our class, and i had the urge to follow her. so i did. i kept myself a few paces behind, gathering my guts as i tried to stop my heart from jumping out of my chest. we were the only two people in the hallway that early morning. she must have noticed me, because all of a sudden, she stopped walking, turned around, and smiled at me. i smiled back, a bit hesitantly. she held out her hand and introduced herself. i remember i was so nervous that i held out my LEFT hand instead of my right, and we had this very awkward handshake. it was really funny. i walked her to her next class, and we had a nice conversation in between.
and that, my dear reader, was the start of a beautiful friendship.
she was just what i needed at the time. i didn't like my course. taking up engineering felt like a burden to me - not so much that it was hard, but more because i wasn't interested. she was different. whenever she talked about our subjects, you could see in her eyes that it was her passion. she was far from being a nerd, so you'll be surprised with the way she gets unbelievably high scores when the rest of the batch could only dream of passing. she made me want to excel and love what i was doing. i began to enjoy myself and my grades got better and better. i love it whenever i see her in the morning, because i know i'll be wearing a silly grin on my face the whole day. nothing and no one could spoil my mood. she made me understand what happiness really meant. i felt it, and it was intoxicating. masarap palang maging masaya.
of course, what we had was strictly friendship. i was too much of a coward at that time to admit my feelings. i felt satisfied with all the little things we got to do, and how our closeness allowed me to take care of her in my own way. i love it whenever we're seated together in class, so we can talk endlessly when we're bored. i love her simplicity, and how beautiful she looks without even trying. i love it when she confides to me her secrets, heartaches and whatnot, and i give her the best advice i could think of to put her mind at ease. but most of all, i love it when i get to walk her to her dorm at the end of the day, and in turn she'd stubbornly insist she walk me to the nearest stop and see me off as i catch a ride home. one of my fondest memory of us happened on a valentines day. we were walking back to her dorm and i saw little purple flowers along the street. on impulse, i picked one and gave it to her. i was worried she might get mad at me for being so bold. i was surprised when she smiled sweetly and said thank you.
i was relieved... and floating on clouds.
but as with all things, bliss could not last forever. maybe i was falling too much, and it was becoming too painful, knowing what we had could never be more. maybe it was differences in values, because the way we think were poles apart. maybe it was both and more. in the end, i was prompted to go away, avoiding her so i could forget. she noticed it, of course. i only said i was busy, which was true, but it's still a lousy excuse, i know. she was also busy with her own life, and i guess we just drifted apart. she'll never know how much it hurt me, wanting so bad to rush to her and tell her all about my day, but instead pretending she doesn't exist. wanting so bad to take care of her, but knowing all too well that i didn't have the right, and that i never will.
yet despite the complications, we eventually managed to patch things up between us. although this time, i was more careful not to fall. we never quite got it back the way it used to, which i suppose is the way i wanted it to be. she graduated cum laude, of which i am very proud. that's no small feat in our course, and nothing gains my respect more than a person's intellect. after that, the last i heard was that she went on to teach engineering subjects in a well-known neighboring school. that was two years ago.
a few days back, i saw her again - the first time i was able to speak to her since she left school. it was a pure delight to see her once more. she's hasn't changed a bit. well, gained a few pounds maybe, but still as radiant as ever. i never realized how much i missed her smile - a smile that will always have the power to enchant me. we got to chat and did a bit of catching up, as old friends do. has it been two years? the way we talked made me feel as if i just saw her the day before. it felt so easy, so natural.
a lot of things has happened in the last few years. we took very different paths, and our lives are now worlds apart. but talking to her, i found out that it's not really important. what is essential is that we share a common history, and no matter how many years pass us by, no one can take that away. it will always be there for us, like a dusty old book you can read whenever you'd like to reminisce.
it will be there. always.
